Going to the charity shop a couple of mornings a week has been going well, the ladies are a nice bunch and they make me laugh. I prefer to work behind the scenes for now though, I don't know why, but I can't face working in the shop yet, but the manager is fine with that.
One day blends into the next with grief swooping in when it feels like it. It hit badly one day last week and I spent a long while chatting on line with Chloe. I had been thinking about getting a new puppy for a while, Chris left this huge hole in my life and although of course he can never be replaced, especially by a dog, I just felt this need. I wasn't sure if the timing was right as I still have two very old dogs, but I had a feeling a new puppy would be a good distraction for me in many ways.
On impulse later, I checked out a web site I had been following for a while. I saw some cross breed puppies for sale in Falmouth. I took the plunge and gave the breeders a call. Long story short I fell in love with a little boy pup and picked him up the following week. Chloe helped me name him and we called him Toby. He has been with me almost a week and is nearly 10 weeks old. He is a little handful full of mischief at times, but he is also very bright and very cute. He should be smallish when fully grown which is what I wanted. He really has distracted me and giving him cuddles is very comforting. I am not sure what Chris would say at me getting another dog, especially if he saw what he did to the carpet in the lounge earlier, but I hope he is watching from afar and approving of this new little life who is a distraction for us all.
Chloe came home from Brighton last week with Tom and it was so lovely to see her again. She has been terribly home sick this time, especially now and mummy hugs were very much needed by both of us. Chloe and Tom adore little Toby as does Tam. The older dogs are rather more blasé about his presence.
We are busy planning a nice Christmas and have a family get together to look forward to on Sunday. I know Chris will be here in spirit and will be happy that we are having a proper Christmas, I do know he would have wanted that.
I went out to a Christmas lunch with some friends in the village too this week. Part of me did not want to go at first, but I was so touched that they asked me that I said yes and was so glad I did, we had a lovely time.
I miss many things about Chris not being here of course, one of them being able to tell him things. I would chatter away about what I had been up to and he would quietly listen, I do miss those simple things so much. I still chatter away, whether he listens or not I have no idea, but I would like to think he does.
It is hard to believe it is just over 3 months now since Chris died. The missing doesn't go away or the hurting, but I suppose you do learn to live with it. There is no other choice really is there?
Anyway, there are a few more firsts to face soon with Christmas looming, but we will face them all together like we always do, as a family.
Merry Christmas Christopher my darling, I love you and miss you always. The fight continues.xxxxx
(Last Christmas, precious memories.)
