I have noticed he has developed a weakening on the side of his face, the same side where he has weaker neck muscles. He has started to drool a little saliva too on that side and his eye weeps, all part of the MND.The GP is coming out this week and we will see what he recommends for that. Everyday he is a little bit worse, today he felt pretty miserable.
His palliative care nurse came this morning and she said to give the Oromorph as needed and he could have a lorazepam along side the diazepam if needed too. One is more fast acting, one longer acting and this will probably help with the spasms a bit. She also said that she will get a prescription prepared for us to keep at home for a driver syringe to administer medication if and when needed. We talked about prognosis and stuff, always a tough conversation.
I asked Chris if he wanted the vicar to come and see him. His faith is very important to him, so I rang her and she came out and spent some time with him. I think it helped him a bit. I think he was in need of some spiritual support.
People say things to me like I am brave, strong, blah, blah, that's not me, believe me I am none of those things. I spend half the day in a stupor and the other half crying. I stumble through Chris's care like I stumble through life, for ever making mistakes. The one blessing is that he is very tolerant of me. If I have ever given the impression that I am some kind of Saint, then that could not be further from the truth. I am one scared, already grieving wife, who is watching the love of her life be taken from her in the most cruelest of ways. I do my best as everyone who has ever been in this position does. It is not a choice, it just is what it is.
So do not ever take from my blog that I am perfect, I am not, nor do I ever wish to be. I just do what 5000 plus others are doing as well at this moment in time here in the UK alone, caring for their loved ones who have MND in the best way they can, each and everyone of us hating this disease with every fibre of our bodies.
