A good part of yesterday and today has been spent by my husband's side, suction hose in hand while he constantly brings up mucous and phlegm from his throat. Where does it all come from? He is miserable, distressed and very tired. He has medication which loosens it all, but it doesn't magic it away.
During one bad episode today he started to cry and told me he was so glad he had me; through my own tears I told him he would always have me, I will never leave his side. It breaks my heart to see him like this. How does anyone cope with it? I am sure I wouldn't, no wonder some do not wish to carry on. What a miserable life he has now, he can't eat or drink and now he has to put up with this horrible mucous and gagging too.
On days like this I get very scared for Chris. He has been unable to use the NIV properly yet, because, as his original respiratory consultant predicted , it seems to cause more of these episodes.
What to do? I feel so helpless, I just want to make him well again. I want to take this all away from him.
I wish with all my heart this runaway train would come to a halt and let him get off.
