No.49. Thoughts for today, thoughts for the future.

I posted my Blog on the BBC Radio Cornwall Twitter page yesterday and was suprised when someone tweeted me back and asked me to phone them. Basically they are trying to do an item, along with Cornwall Council, about how farmers are reluctant to visit their Doctor when they feel unwell, like a lot of men I would imagine. This man was also interested in MND and has already done some fundraising himself. He wanted to know if Chris would be prepared to do a short 2 minute interview to say how important it was to see your GP if you were unwell. Of course I said I was sure that would be OK as long as MND could be highlighted and Chris, although quite a shy man, said he wouldn't mind.This man said he would phone me back at the end of the week. We`ll see how it goes. Any mention of MND on a local radio station has to be a good thing I think.

When I write about the things that are happening to Chris, it is tough to accept the affect this disease is having on him, but then I read about people who are much further on with this dreadful disease, going through the stages that I would rather not think about and I realise that we are both grateful that he is not anywhere near there yet. The future is a scary place and I only hope that Chris and I will be as brave and have the strength that some people have. At the moment he wants to fight till he can fight no more, but until he reaches those awful later stages, who knows.

It also got me thinking about what causes it. I know no one really knows, but again and again I hear of people who were sporty getting it and our MND nurse telling us that she has a lot of farmers on her books, also people with active lifestyles, well it has to make you think doesn`t it ? She also said almost all of them had some kind of a traumatic incident happen to them, like getting kicked by a cow for example. Chris has lost teeth in the past when he was kicked by a cow and more recently he got knocked unconscious when he was kicked in the face by his horse. He ended up with 18 stitches to repair the hole in his upper lip. Again it makes you think. Chris also became really worried when he was first diagnosed as he spilt some chemicals on his hands last summer, when he was usually always so careful and he was convinced he had poisoned himself and the guilt sent him into a depression The MND nurse told him that he would have had MND long before then. She said that you can have it for quite a long time before it shows actual physical signs. Chris spent weeks beating himself up about how he got this awful disease and no matter how much I told him that it wasn`t his fault, it didn`t stop him fretting. He has come to terms with it now, but it is only natural to want to know the why, to know the cause, why me, all that kind of stuff. I was so relieved when he accepted things a bit more as the `beating himself up` was doing him more harm at the time than the MND. 

It just shows what a powerful tool the brain is. It can give us strength and fight, but it can just as easily take it away and I`m sure for every person who is brave and strong fighting this disease, there are as many who, for what ever reason, are unable to find that strength. My heart goes out to everyone fighting this disease today, the strong and especially the not so strong and also to all those who have had to watch their loved ones go through this cruellest of diseases. I also hope that I can stay strong too for Chris and my family. I`ve never really been a brave person, here`s hoping I can become one, as I think I will need to be.